Brave

We took Liv to see the movie BRAVE last week.  She loved it.  Although we had heard some parents say it was "too scary" we did not find it so.  There was a fight between two bears, but the good bear won in the end.  Life is not always cotton candy and teddy bears and I think that too many times in our society we try to "sugar coat" everything.  This leads to a lot of ill prepared youth graduating from high school and college without a clue how to handle the challenges which occur in "real" life.

I'm not saying we shouldn't protect our children from traumatic events and harm if possible, quite the contrary.  What I am saying is that we need to explain the good and bad and that things don't always work out the way we want them to no matter how hard we work and no matter how much we want it.  No one is entitled to a carefree life.  It just doesn't happen, and at some point every person is going to have to deal with frightening or unpleasant circumstances.  We need to PREPARE our children for these life events without scaring them to death or discouraging them.

In our country today children are not leaning about common things like managing finances, choosing a mate, raising children, birth control and choosing a correct career path.  None of us are being taught how to handle serious illness, death and dying.  As a result, when many people "hit a wall" and have to face these problems, they crumble.

Brave was an excellent movie about a girl who wanted to determine her own fate and not have someone else decide everything for her.  Girls today need to be encouraged to to just that.  Reach for the stars, it is possible.  Teach your kids to set realistic goals and reach for them and not to be afraid to fail.  Some of our greatest lessons are learned when we are in the valley of failure.  Teach them to dust themselves off and get up and try again.  Prepare them for the challenges of life and don't try to protect them from the "boo boos" life is going to hand out along the way.

Go for it!

Moms and Misnomers

Mother's Day is fast approaching again.  For some it is a day of great joy and celebration, for others it can have an entirely different meaning.  Mothering is defined as:  Bringing up (a child) with care and affection: "the art of mothering".  In some cases this is a misnomer.  Not all mothers are good at mothering...not all really care.

For those of you who are blessed with a Mother who loved and encouraged you, and she is still around, you will celebrate this day (hopefully) with her and share happy memories and much love and affection.  For those of you who had loving mothers who have now passed away, it will be a a difficult day, especially if it is the first Mother's Day without them.  But, take the time to remember all the wonderful, positive things your Mother shared with you and did for you.  If you had a Mother who loved and cared for you and sacrificed for your welfare, you are truly blessed.

Mother's Day is a very difficult day for me in many ways.  I am a mother of four wonderful children.  My job as a mother was not always easy, for many of those years I was a single mom.  I am sure I made many mistakes, but one thing for sure...I loved my children.   I told my children regularly that I loved them, and held them close and did everything within my power to make sure they knew I would be there for them.  Unfortunately, it was not something I had experienced in my own home.  This is a very difficult thing to share, but I believe it is important for those of you who may have had the same experience to know that you are not alone.  There are other young and grown children out there who suffered much abuse at the hands of their mother's and no one knows or knew.  Mother's Day is a very difficult day for these people.

It's funny just how far a child will go to try and "prove" he/she is worthy of love.  Some will become great and achieve much trying to prove that they can do anything.  All they want is that one little spark of approval which only can come from the eyes of a mother who is truly proud of her child.  Some, on the other hand, choose to "drop out" and give up because they feel no matter what they do it will not be good enough.  In some cases, with a little luck, these children grow up and realize that the problem was not theirs, but their parents'.  But, no matter which scenario occurs, the pain of never having been loved or appreciated by a parent will never, never leave that individual.  There is no cure for that kind of pain.

The one wonderful truth is however, that God always has and always will love you.  That in spite of what may be going on in your world, God loves you and knows what you are going through.   If you follow His teachings, you can become a wonderful parent, in spite of not having had an earthly example.  You can give your own children all the joy and comfort they need from a loving and caring parent.

I have two wonderful daughters and a daughter-in-law who are doing a great job being mothers.  Being a mother is definitely not an easy job, but it is the most rewarding job in the world, and done right it is the most formative and important job in the world.

If you are a mother, please lift your child up and encourage him/her.  If you are a mother, no matter how difficult things are in your life, make sure you shower your child with love, hugs, kisses and encouragement every single day.  There is no greater responsibility.

This year as you celebrate Mother's Day, be sensitive to those around you who may be suffering from the lack of love from their mother.  In spite of the fact that my mother was not there for me, God has given me so many "mothers" through the years.  They have been wonderful, Godly women who have encouraged me and loved me and helped me through the toughest of times.  I have been able to give that love back to them, and believe me I tell them how much they mean to me.  So to all those "Mothers" out there who have lifted up someone who was not fortunate enough to have a caring parent, thank you!  And for those of you who have that wonderful "mothering" spirit, reach out and lift someone up who needs a mother in their life.  It is immeasurable valuable, and will be appreciated beyond your wildest expectations.

God Bless, Peace-Love-Joy

Be An Encourager

This is a "self portrait" of Chuck Close, a famous American painter.  His story is remarkable on so  many levels, and as I listened to him talk about his life this morning on television, I was again really touched because of his will to succeed in spite of so many telling him he could not, and pointing out his shortcomings instead of his abilities.

Each and every one of us needs an "encourager" in our lives.  So many times negative parents, teachers and friends (if you can call a "basement person" a friend) say "oh, you can't do that you are not smart enough, you are not tall enough, you are not talented enough....it is out of your reach."

Believe me people, NOTHING is out of you reach if you strive and believe in yourself.  I will be your encourager right now and tell you that YOU can achieve your dreams.  Chuck Close was an awkward, clumsy child who could not succeed in sports and athletics, which made life even more difficult, because he was also dyslexic and had been told he would never be able to make it in college.  People called him lazy and stupid.  Then, his father (his one and only encourager) died when he was only eleven years old.  But, in spite of that and his Mother's cancer illness and other adversities, this man gritted his teeth and sought refuge in his art and succeeded beyond even his wildest dreams.

I was not fortunate enough to have parents who were encouragers in my life.  In fact, quite the contrary.  Every time I tried something I was told I was not smart enough, not tall enough, too clumsy, too lazy...well, you know the drill.  But, for some reason I did not believe the negative naysayers in my life.  I was a strong willed person who thought "well, YOU may think I can't do it, but I will prove to you that I can!"  As a result I have had a very adventurous and fulfilling life.  Oh, I am not saying I didn't have my share of difficulties and problems, but by forging ahead, and meeting some great encouragers along the way, I have accomplished so much more than my parents ever gave me credit for. At one particularly difficult time in my life, a wonderful Counselor told me to make a list of all the things I "could" do and all the things I "couldn't."  As it turned out, the list of could items was much longer than the things that I couldn't.  It was an "AHAH!" moment for me.  The light bulb finally came on and I realized that I could probably do most anything that I chose to do if I was willing to apply myself fully to it.  My world only had to be as small as I chose it to be.  I didn't have to let the limitations set by others define my life. 

My stubborn personality helped me succeed, but the very sad thing is that so many children who have the ability to succeed are squashed by parents and teachers who rain on their parade.  So many talented children who might dare to be a little different, are often discouraged and told to choose another path.
As a parent, grandparent, teacher and even just as a person of the world, you have a responsibility to lift up others and encourage them to reach for the stars.  I believe when we step on the dreams of another, we are hurting society as a whole.  Some of the most brilliant persons who ever lived were virtual "outcasts" and "misfits" as children.  They were the "square pegs" that everyone kept trying to push into the round hole.

Unfortunately, my parents are gone now, and I have to tell you that I never did hear those encouraging words from them.  But, God did put people in my path time after time who became those encouraging "parents" that I never had at home.  We can't choose our parents, but we can choose who we want to spend time with, and I encourage you to seek out those people who will encourage you to strive for more, to reach for the stars and fulfill your dreams whatever they may be.


If you are a parent, please encourage your children to reach for their dreams.  If you are a grandparent, please encourage your grandchildren.  If you are a "person of the world" encourage SOMEONE to aspire to something greater.  As you head out into the world today, please be someone's "encourager."  Lift someone up.  Root someone on.  And reach for the stars!

Waffle House to Tel Aviv

I have four children. I am proud of all four of them. They are all sensitive, kind and productive adults.

I wasn't always sure how my children would turn out as they came up through childhood and teen years. We certainly had our lumps and bumps along the way. Each of them chose a different path, and sometimes hit a dead end and had to go another way. Two served time in the military. Three of my four children are now married and raising their own families. The time has gone quickly. They have all had their own personal challenges to overcome, but they have all done a good job of doing so.

My youngest seemed to have the most setbacks. He was such a cute little fellow, but he had real problems with ADHD. It wasn't quite as obvious when he was in grade school, but when he hit middle school, the problems escalated. We finally saw a specialist and he was diagnosed with ADHD. Ritalin was recommended. I fought it at first, as I am a Registered Nurse, and I have seen a lot of medication abuse. I didn't like the possible side effects involved with Ritalin especially. In fact, if I had it to do over again, I probably wouldn't have allowed him to be put on Ritalin.
I have talked with many healthcare professionals and counselors over the years, and many seem to feel that Ritalin sometimes serves as a "gateway" drug to other drug use.

It my youngest son's life, I feel this turned out to be true. Ritalin did NOT keep him in school. Thank goodness he is a very intelligent person, because he decided to drop out of school after ninth grade. He held various small jobs, KFC and Waffle House, and others. He was kind of lost as to what he wanted to pursue. He did get a GED. But, because of his lack of direction he made some really bad choices in friends and pursuits and paid dearly for them.

I am happy to report though, that after a few really difficult years and some time in a correctional facility, my son has rapidly moved up in the world and is a very successful businessman who travels all over the world. His life is nearly perfect now. In fact, this week he has been in Paris and Tel Aviv on business. We talk frequently and I am very proud of how far he has come in the past ten years.

Raising children is always a challenge. Sometimes it is just those difficult teen angst years, and sometimes it becomes something much more serious. Take is from me, you need to know who your childrens friends are and what they are up to. You need to know where your children are and what they are doing. They aren't going to want to share this information freely, but it is incredibly shocking how rapidly things can spiral out of control if you don't keep a handle on things.

I can look back now and see when the problems began for my youngest. I was so busy working and he was never an "in your face" kind of teen, that I just didn't notice some of the signs of trouble.

In Georgia, and many other states, your child can be charged with "conspiracy" to distribute drugs if they are caught even in the same car with someone who is transporting drugs. The sentences for conspiracy are ridiculous and can ruin a young person's life. In this hostile environment, it is imperative that you make
your child understand the dire consequences of being friends or acquaintances with people who might be involved in drugs and drug trafficking.

You can read about some of those horror stories if you go online to FAMM (Families Against Mandatory Minimums) and follow some of the stories there. It is absolutely heart wrenching.

This isn't my usual "light hearted" conversation, but I really felt moved today to share this information. I am so blessed, and all of my children and grandchildren are out of danger right now, but I know so many who are not. Take time to talk with your kids and their friends, and spend time carefully observing their behavior.
Children who have ADHD seem more prone to get involved with drugs, because they are trying to "fit in" and to overcome some of the distressing symptoms of ADHD that make them feel "different." If you are the parent of a child with ADHD, make sure you get sound counseling regarding treatment. Drugs may not be the answer for your child. I hope this discussion will touch someone out there and help them avoid some of the problems we encountered.

But, remember above all else, love your child with all your heart. Support them and don't judge them too harshly for their mistakes. Let them know you will ALWAYS be there for them. And, you know what? They may too go from Waffle House to Tel Aviv!